WEDDING SEASON IS in full swing. We have invitations every week and even two in one day.
Out of the many weddings that I have been to over the years, what I have always found is that the best of them have been the simplest.
There is a certain genuineness and sincerity to be found in the simple weddings. It’s a more intimate affair with the focus on the people and enjoying their company. It’s about the blessings, the simple pleasures, not just the ‘things’.
I have been to weddings that are so grand and sumptuous, a feast for the senses and yet there wasn’t anyone to greet me as I entered (and yes, I did check that I was at the right wedding). I could have been anyone off the streets- just another body invited to be awed by the show of wealth. Some weddings were so bling that I would go and then be forced to return because the most essential aspects of an Islamic marriage gathering were missing such as segregation or a moment of reflection and dua for the newlyweds.
Don’t get me wrong, if Allah ﷻ has given a person wealth then there is no harm, within reason and with correct intention, that he spends that wealth on the people- his family and friends and neighbours and colleagues and brings them together on this occasion of joy to be grateful to Allah ﷻ.
I am also not a killjoy, being against others having fun- weddings are occasions of joy. But I do wonder if current ideas of fun have been skewed by the artificiality of the fairy tale weddings of Hollywood or the choreographed song and dance of Bollywood.
Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. It needs persistent and consistent effort. I can’t help but feel that spending so much effort and money on ensuring the picture-perfect engagement, wedding and honeymoon sets up unrealistic and unsustainable expectations of what married life is about. Current divorce trends are thus unsurprising when the ‘halo’ of the early days of marriage disappears. People get into huge debt- I know of a young brother who ended up divorced within 6 months but spent years paying off the debt!
Whereas marriage should be an experience of love and mercy, it becomes one of bitterness and anger. This may have consequences not only for future marriage but also affect children and their views towards marriage in the long term.
The Prophet’s ﷺ words are therefore full of wisdom and worth pondering on deeply when he said: ‘The best marriage is the one that is easiest.’ (Abu Daud)
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