Importance of children
Being a father of 4 young children, all l0 yrs and younger, I understand that at this age they are like sponges in that they will absorb everything they see and hear. I normally do the school runs particularly in the mornings, before I come into work. During this time and annoyingly whilst I’m listening to the latest news on LBC my children tend to ask all manner of questions. And usually the questions centre around the creation, how things work, why things the way they are, and in my naivety I would tend to say what my parents used to say to me when I was child in that Allah created things believing that they are too young to understand detailed arguments. However sometimes I get hit with the question on Allah himself and his nature, for instance, How do we know Allah exists?
That got me thinking how I should talk more to my children such that I develop within them a correct way of thinking, to the correct way to arrive to belief. And I feel this is important giving the climate we all live in right now.
The are a number of factors that should concern us, for instance we have seen living in the post 9/11, 7/7 this country in particular, abandoning its modal of integrating diverse communities which was multiculturalism, in which differences were celebrated and moved to more muscular form of liberalism where they will silently enforce values. And they started this silent enforcement of values by targeting our children through the educational system. So they introduce classes that were not taught when we were at school like citizenship studies alongside PSHE or RE and more recently SRE at primarily level and it became a mandatory part of the curriculum and it was all about teaching what it means to be British and off British values. This results in Muslim children having a dual identity where confusion and doubt exists in their minds and then their actions may contradict the teachings of Islam.
But this is a natural consequence of living under a secular system. It is a system based on the detachment of religion from life, so that the issue of belief is reduced in importance to almost insignificance. And we have seen that It has led to a rise of agnosticism and different flavours of atheism throughout the society, where people declare that they are undecided about the destination of life itself. Without realising they have made agnosticism and atheism a form of religion in of itself where Science is God and the scientific method thinking is the dominant way. And they will revere people like Dawkins and Hawkins who are treated like messengers and are considered infallible. And evidence for them has to be proven scientifically. Now don’t get me wrong science is valuable but it has its place and role but it cannot be extended into realms of morality or the unseen and besides science only deals in the probability of truths and not absolute truths which Allah is.
Thus, as Muslim parent we must pay close attention to the well-established and elaborate Islamic teachings to establish Iman in our children thereby protect their Islamic identity .
The Muslim parent must study and convey subjects such as; the indispensable existence of Allah جل جلاله, the need for a Messenger, the inimitable miracle of the Quran, the confirmation of the Sunnah of the Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم as Revelation. At the same time, they must be aware of the corruption of the secular environment which advocates materialism as the origin of the Universe and a scientific method of thinking as the dominant form of thinking, they must be aware that the secular environment is constant in challenging the validity of Islam and its divine texts. The parent must also be aware of the corruption from the local traditions, from culture, where belief is inherited without definite conviction. So the parent models their household upon Darul Arqam, Darul Arqam was the house of Arkam bin Abil Arkam bin Asad, one of the first Muslims, and the Prophet (pbuh) used to teach and the first Muslims there during the early years of his prohethood. In this sense, the scholars regard Arkam’s house the first Islamic school, the first university that the Prophet had taught. So parents should make their homes like Darul Arqam where guidance is taught, as well as the refutation of the false kufr beliefs. So just like through the Covid-19 pandemic we protected our homes and families from the virus we should also strengthen immunity of our children from the threat that is worse, the threat of kufr ideas, which can ruin the life that is to come in al-akhira.
The role of the father as a teacher
Of course both parents pay a significant role in nuturing their children, but the role of the father as a teacher is often overlooked or neglected. Perhaps it’s the time we are living in where the emphasis of the father is to be a provider above everything else and also culturally we are told the saying that the first classroom is the mother’s lap so we leave it to the mothers to educate or children but actually the Muslim father lays the firm foundations for the next generation
Fatherhood is of such importance in Islam that it is the fundamental basis of the identity of all Muslims. Allah says:
ٱدْعُوهُمْ لِـَٔابَآئِهِمْ هُوَ أَقْسَطُ عِندَ ٱللَّهِ ۚ
“Let children be called in the name of their آfathers. That is more just in the sight of Allah.” [TMQ Surah al-Ahzab 33:5].
It establishes paternity which is the basis for the obligations of the father towards raising his children. They include providing companionship, financial maintenance, Islamic culturing, building conviction in their Iman and disciplining them.
The Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم likened his teaching of the Islamic Ummah to that of a father, saying, “Verily, I am only like a father to you in the way that I teach you.” [Sunan Abi Dawud].
And Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم raised an entire generation of men and women, establishing pillars for the Deen that have shaped the Ummah until now. He صلى الله عليه وسلم raised four blessed daughters (ra) who have towered as examples for the Islamic Ummah throughout its ages. He صلى الله عليه وسلم raised Ali ibn Abi Talib (ra), the fourth Khaleefah Rashid, the son of his older, poorer uncle. He صلى الله عليه وسلم raised Zayd ibn Haritha (ra) and his son Usama (ra) in goodness. For youth under his care, he صلى الله عليه وسلم was the attentive companion and the patient teacher. Which leads me onto to the point that:
The father is a Patient and Empowering Teacher
Whilst teaching, the Muslim father does not taunt, curse, abuse, belittle or undermine his children, for any shortcoming. He patiently maintains their honour during their teaching, making them honourable and zealous of their honour. He elevates them in confidence and establishes their self-esteem on a firm footing. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said “The believer does not taunt others, he does not curse others, he does not use profanity, and he does not abuse others.” [Tirmidhi]
Whilst teaching the young Companions (ra), the Messenger of Allah (saw) demonstrated patience, preserving their confidence, whilst tolerating their inevitable mistakes. Anas (ra) narrated “I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, “Uf” (a rebuke of impatience) and never blamed me by saying, “Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?” [Bukhari].
The Father Cultures His Children in Deen
It is a duty upon the Muslim father to secure his children in their Deen for Allah said:
يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًۭا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلْحِجَارَةُ
“O believers! Protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.” [TMQ Surah at-Tahreem 66:6]. ,Ibn Abbas (ra) said Work in the obedience of Allah, avoid disobedience of Allah and order your families to remember Allah, then Allah will save you all from the Fire.” Imam Ali (ra) said, “You and your families must do good actions and you must discipline them.” So The father is the teacher who teaches his children regarding the obligations and prohibitions (the halal and the haram) of the religion.
The Father Establishes Iman with Conviction in His Children
Allah said:
وَوَصَّىٰ بِهَآ إِبْرَٰهِـۧمُ بَنِيهِ وَيَعْقُوبُ يَـٰبَنِىَّ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ ٱصْطَفَىٰ لَكُمُ ٱلدِّينَ فَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ إِلَّا وَأَنتُم مُّسْلِمُونَ
“This was the advice of Ibrahim, as well as Jacob, to his children, saying, ‘Indeed, Allah has chosen for you this Deen; so do not die except as Muslims.’” [TMQ Surah al-Baqarah 2:132]. As this ayah states that some prophets were fathers themselves and were told to establish faith in their children so us fathers we must establish our children firmly on the Iman (belief) in Islam, emulating the example of these messengers and in the Messenger saw in raising the young Companions (ra) in Dar ul-Arqam.
The Father Disciplines in the Practice of Islam
As well as the friendly and attentive teacher, the father is mindful of disciplining wisely, securing his children from the anger of Allah and punishment in the Aakhira. The Messenger of Allah said: “That a man should discipline his son is better for him than to have given a Sa’ in charity.” [Tirmidhi]. The Messenger of Allah (saw) also said: “If anyone cares for three daughters, disciplines them, marries them and does good to them, he will go to Paradise.” [Abu Dawud].
The disciplining by the father is borne out of compassion and care, not out of frustration, anger and malice. Disciplining is not for the sake of the worldly aspirations of the father for his child, but for the sake of pleasing Allah raising the child’s status in the never-ending Aakhira.
So these are some qualities I thought a father should have as a role of a teacher.
Teaching the proof of Allah to children : some practical steps
Before we look at some practical steps it is worth mentioning the hadith the Messenger (saw) in Abu Dawud where he says:
“The pen is lifted from 3 persons: the insane whose mind is overcome until he recovers, the sleeper until he awakes and the child until he attains puberty” [Abu Dawud]
So Children are not accountable for their actions and so although strong belief in Allah and good behaviour is encouraged and nurtured, the results will emerge as they mature
So our aim is to sew the seeds..
So then how do I make my children know about the greatness of Allah, who can’t be seen or pictured in their heads? Who can’t be physically felt by our 5 senses?
The first thing to understand is that children are born with the inclination to accept the truth – fitrah.
It’s so easy to overthink when it comes to introducing what seems like an abstract concept to young children. But in reality, half the job is done. Allah has created us in a pure state, naturally inclined to the truth when we are born.
The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Every child is born with a true faith of Islam (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) and his parents convert him to Judaism or Christianity…”
In fact this was empirically proven by an academic research by Oxford university back in 2008. Dr Justin Barrett, a senior researcher at the University of Oxford’s Centre for Anthropology and Mind, claimed that young people have a predisposition to believe in a supreme being because they assume that everything in the world was created with a purpose.
He says that young children have faith even when they have not been taught about it by family or at school, and argues that even those raised alone on a desert island would come to believe in God.
So there is this built in inclination now the remaining job for us parents for fathers is to cultivate this natural inclination of children to accept the truth. This is done by building in our children the rational way of thinking in order to build the belief in Allah.
The way you go about it is to help them observe the creations of Allah. Show them how the presence of the creations can only mean that there is a Creator. Guide them to observe the things around them and engage them in a simple discussion.
Ask them to ponder upon the creations such as the sun, the sky, the moon, mountains, trees, the sea, etc. the animals
This is how Allah instruct us when he says:
إِنَّ فِى ٱخْتِلَـٰفِ ٱلَّيْلِ وَٱلنَّهَارِ وَمَا خَلَقَ ٱللَّهُ فِى ٱلسَّمَـٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍۢ يَتَّقُونَ
“Surely in the alternation of the day and night and in all that Allah has created in the heavens and the earth, there are truly signs for those mindful of Him.’” [TMQ Surah Yunus 10:6]
Tell them how these are all creations of Allah and that everything is created by Allah.
So for example when my son asked me during the school run ‘how do you know that Allah exists, I asked him, “Do you think this car can come out of nowhere? Or someone has made it? Did you see the person who made the car? Likewise, the trees and animals do not come out of nothing. They are all created by Allah.”
Storytelling is really key!
Stories are one the most effective ways for children to absorb ideas. According to recent research, storytelling for children creates empathy in them, helps with their brain development and lays the groundwork for the development of social, communication and interpersonal skills. I am amazed how my children would remember some bedtime stories I’ve told them a year or two ago. They encourage and boost the learning process and help children understand concepts that are sometimes very hard for to convey through random talks or words.
Stories enhance children’s imagination and knowledge in a way that is not tiring or boring like other educational activities and tasks. That is why it is a good idea to seize the opportunity and tell them Islamic stories before going to bed. And Why get bothered about creating different stories that will not entertain your kid much when you have numerous valuable stories in Quran that can encourage a strong belief in Allah.
That is probably why in Allah’s wisdom he has told us lessons about life through narrating stories in the Quran for he says in surah Yusuf:
نَحْنُ نَقُصُّ عَلَيْكَ أَحْسَنَ ٱلْقَصَصِ بِمَآ أَوْحَيْنَآ إِلَيْكَ هَـٰذَا ٱلْقُرْءَانَ
“We relate to you O Prophet the best of stories through our revelation of this Quran” [TMQ Surah Yusuf 10:6]
And the Quran contains many lessons contained in the numerous stories. These different stories make children deeply feel a great attachment to the book of Allah and have an eagerness to learn more about Allah and His prophets. I usually find that stories about miracles especially take the attention of children and let them believe in Allah’s unlimited ability to achieve everything and even the impossible. Other relevant stories you can relate are from the early generation of muslims after the sahabah ajmaeen particularly those that dealt with atheism for instance Imam Abu Hanifah’s interaction with an atheist group, all these stories develop a childs imagination and can aid in their understanding.
Teach them the names and attributes of Allah
Making kids memorize the various names of Allah swt is surely one of the powerful tools on how to describe Allah to a child, but teaching them the meanings of these names and telling them different stories illustrating His names can have a great impact on their hearts and make them know how to properly address Him. The whole point of teaching your kids about Allah’s names and attributes is for them to really get to know who Allah is. So that they will love Allah and realize his Greatness. Because how can they love whom they don’t know? Some of the names Allah that you can introduce to them is:
- Ar-Rahman- the Most Merciful, explaining how much Allah loves us more than anyone else in the world
Recite the Quran and Pray in front of them
The obvious reason is that once children start to believe in Allah they will ask more questions, Who is Allah? How is Allah described? How do we worship Him? What are His names and attributes? All these The answers of all these questions and more can be found in the Quran! Hence, it is of great importance to teach your kids about Allah and His book and make their hearts attached to it.
Make it a bedtime routine to recite some Ayas to them before going to sleep, tell them that the character of Prophet Muhammad pbuh was the Quran itself, and play the Quran in your car and home as much time as you can. Try praying your sunnah prayers at home so your children can see how we worship Allah. You will be supprised how quickly they can pick up the actions of salah. For instance my 2 year and 4 year old children mimic me almost perfectly when I pray. Obviously take your children to masjid as often as possible. Nowadays Masajids have become more family friendly, opening their doors to all so its imperative to build an attachment to the masjid for the children.
Be the model you want them to follow
One of the most effective ways on how to explain Allah to a child is by setting yourself a role model for them to follow. This way is more effective than just preaching through words. Children do what they see, they are more likely to love Allah swt and learn more about Him when they see you obey His instructions and do what pleases Him so as to gain the pleasure of Allah. .
And besides Islam is the religion of ethics and morals and you do not want to be seen as a hypocrite in front of your children and you don’t want them to have this quality. Hence, one of the most important ways on how to introduce Allah to a child that are part and parcel of raising practicing Muslim children is to start with ourselves and do what we say!
And finally Do dua
Beyond these efforts and above these efforts, Guidance is in the hands of Allah جل جلاله alone. So the father makes constant Dua for the firm Iman of his children in these difficult times, knowing that he is one of those whose Dua is not refused. The Messenger of Allah “There are three supplications that will undoubtedly be answered: the supplication of one who has been wronged; the supplication of the traveller; and the supplication of a father for his child.” [Ibn Maajah]
Related Articles
The dangers of overburdening
PLAYING WITH LEGO is great fun. Stepping on Lego is not! So after many painful experiences, we have a rule that the children need to tidy up straight away after playing. To make things easier they use a foldable play mat which allows all the pieces to be gathered quickly and poured back into their […]
The Day of Catastrophe
‘SO WHY CAN’T they all live in peace?’ our 9-year-old daughter asked the other day. We had been talking about the current situation in Palestine and reflected on our own visit to Jerusalem a few years ago where we saw first-hand the daily oppression our brothers and sisters are facing. It is ironic that the […]
University Professor David Miller, dismissed for his anti-Zionist views, prevails in discrimination case.
HIS LAWYERS SAY the judgement establishes for the first time that anti-Zionist beliefs are protected in the workplace. David’s win should encourage us all. But Gaza is the story here, not David and not the pursuit of certain privileges. Confronting Zionism is what led to David’s situation, and that’s precisely what annoys them. Quoting David […]
